If my heart could speak

If my heart could speak this is what it would say. I wish I could make you understand my pain and the loss that I feel. It’s the death of us, of the love that I thought I could always count on to get us through anything because it always has. It’s the loss of family hugs with our son, of putting up the Christmas tree together, of late night talks and tickle fights, little kisses all over my face and nose nuzzles. When we were going through hard times and I grew weary, you would put your head agents mine and say “as long as we have each other will be okay” forever isn’t as long as I’d hoped it would be. I’m still waiting for your heart to come home to us.

Running Backwards

I can only describe it as running

backward away from the light

I reach out to grasp at fading flickers

that dace on my fingertips wanting so

desperately to reach the end of this hell

only to be sucked back in by my

thoughts and insecurities

This Dark Season

I’m in such a dark and lonely season in my life right now, one that I never saw coming. I have for the past five months been doing a lot of soul searching, trying to make sense of it all but I can’t seam to get my bearings.

Bathtub thoughts

Growing up my mom thought the cure for any ailment was a hot bath and a cup of tea with honey and milk,
I have probably bathed twice as much if not more then the average person.

As an adult I have carried on the tradition, even sitting an empty bathtub fully clothed because it brings me comfort.

Recently due to my life exploding I find myself in the bathtub almost everyday. Unhealthy maybe, but I don’t care. I find everyone and everything to be horrid outside of these plastic white walls.