I’ve been going in circles for months now and just when I think I find a new direction it leads back to madness.
I keep wishing, hoping and praying for things that seem so far out of my reach. Everyday is the same sick feeling and sadness. I haven’t cried in awhile. Maybe that’s what I need, a good cry to flush my spirit. I miss my son and I miss my family. I miss so much that I feel I will never get back.
I was doing so good and here I’am, reduced to having a breakdown in the bathroom at work. I want to go home and hide in my bed under the covers. All I can do is breath and know that I’ll wake up to do it all over again tomorrow. I’m counting the minutes until my boy gets home. I have to keep going for him.
I don’t know how deal with my pain. I never use to be so angry, that’s not who I’am and it’s not who I want to continue to be. I’m just so fucking sad that I don’t know what else to do but be angry. I am forever in my own way.