Me and my eyes, me and my heart.

“Time makes no effort

to heal this deep

gash of a wound,

so I take matters,

into my own hands;

stitching it up 

on my own and

doing more harm than good.”

Sometimes memories hit me so hard that it brings me to my knees. Tonight, I was definitely caught off guard by my feelings and I had to be remind that she never was who I thought she was. I’ve made so much mental and emotional progress , I do not want to regress.

l was bat-shit crazy for awhile, obsessed with trying to control this devastating pain that I’ve been drowning in the last year and some months now.

I’ve cried enough tears to fill the Grand Canyon. There were days at a time that I would not get out of bed. Not even to shower or eat. I had pretty much resigned myself to dying of a broken heart. I welcomed it.

I kept reading and checking and checking and checking for information that would let me know that she was moving on, that she was truly sorry for what she did and that she wouldn’t try to contact my husband ever again. My husband calls this “feeding the troll”.

Even more ridiculous is that in some small way I was hoping that she would miss me, maybe even try to give me her side of what happened and why she made the choice to be so selfish. All I ended up with was immature comments and poems about how my husband still wants her because I’m fat.

She goes on and on about how she feels horrible for what happened but then publicly humiliates me and acts like a complete cunt. She has acted like I’m the one who’s done something wrong here, she has no idea what I’ve gone through and I highly doubt she gives a fuck. She has wished me dead more then once and (I have emails to prove it) the last conversation she had with my husband (in May of this year) she told him;
“let me know when your done with your bitch.”
“I won’t come second to anyone”

She’s sorry my fucking ass. I’m appalled at her lack of remorse and how disposable people are to her. I’m not wrong for fighting for my marriage and I’m not wrong for being as hurt as I’am over this bullishit. He came back to me on his own, I left him alone to do as he wished. If he truly wanted to be with you he would be, so get the fuck over it. You act like you know so much about our relationship because you had a fling for six months, but you have no fucking idea what I’ve put up with. He is just as much responsible as you are, the difference between you and him is that he is taking responsibility you are not. He took the time to talk with your husband and apologize for the wrong that he had done. You hide behind a screen, pretending you have some magic power that makes you superior to those around you.

Your right, we were having issues in our marriage but that dose not give you or anyone else the right to step in and try to cause us to divorce. What you did is low. I’ve never been hurt by someone so much in my life. My healing is not on a fucking restricted timeline.

I’ve wasted so much of my life the last year trying to understand this whole thing. I’m pissed at myself for letting you hurt me so much, for letting you get so close. It’s a stark reminder of just how cruel this world is.

I love my husband and he has crossed mountains, oceans and fucking deserts to be with me. I have stuck by him through more shit then anyone knows. We are by far not perfect, I’am by far not perfect but when you love someone enough to marry them you fight for the life you’ve built together. I do not wish you any harm or ill will. I do however wish that you could find it in your heart to stop humiliating me on your blog. I’d appreciate it if you would quit lying about me text/emailing you too. We also both know that you look at my blog.

How can you ask for forgiveness when you don’t see what you need forgiveness for? I hope someday that you are able to understand and practice what it means to truly love.

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