Goodbye my sweet friend

When my mom called me the night before last to tell me that my friend Tiffanie passed away, it felt like my breath was instantly sucked out of my lungs. My chest was heavy and I got quite, I didn’t cry right away. My mind instantly flooded with memories of her and I was in disbelief for a good ten minutes. I hung up with my mom and went straight to her Facebook and then I knew for sure she was gone. Her page was encumbered with condolence posts to her husband and two children.

I had an overwhelming sense of guilt because I didn’t keep in contact with her like I should have. Tiffanie was one of the first friends I made when I moved to Arizona. My mom used to be her boss and thought Tiffanie would be a good friend for me. I was shy and awkward and Tiffanie was the complete opposite. The first time we went out together she took me to a party and we both got pretty drunk. I ended up falling asleep at this guys house and somehow the journal that I carried in my purse ended up being written in by Tiffanie and some other random people that I met that night. I was a little weirded out at the time but I’m glad that I have these little letters from her. We ended up at a road side taco stand at about 3:30 am and then finally back at my apartment.

She was always pushing me to open up more but she made sure to look out for me too, She was protective. One thing that always stuck out to me about her was her ability to look at life like it would never be shitty for her, because she wouldn’t let it be. She was determined to be happy and she was. She finished everything she set out to do with excitement. Her laugh was contagious and her smile warm. I will miss her, I just wish I had the chance to say goodbye.

I was two upset to write about any of this the other night. I have a lot floating around in my head lately and I was already feeling emotional before I got the news about Tiffanie. I’m tired now and I still have to cook dinner.

Goodnight, Mandy ❤️

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