Category: When I can’t sleep

8th Grade

An old friend of mine Charity, contacted me through IG and sent me this picture of us in Mrs. Sherri Wilbur’s class. I was so happy to hear from her because we lost contact with each other when I moved to Arizona. She was always super sweet and soft spoken and I was a bit shy but also awkwardly funny. We became fast friends. … Read More 8th Grade

5:04am

My brain has thrown everything at me from; Giant Huntsman Spiders to Christmas cookie recipes to serial killers. WTF! I thought I kicked this insomnia. Guess not…

Provisional blog post

Sometimes, the thing that might seem absurd to an outside perceiver of a situation is the right thing for the person going through the issue. I was talking about this with my therapist last week, in regards to an internal struggle I’m having. I had this close friend who hurt me deeply and our friendship stopped abruptly. It was revealed to me that she … Read More Provisional blog post

Unexpected calls

I was on my way to get my nails and toes done today but decided I didn’t feel like driving all the way to Gilbert. I went to finish my Christmas shopping for my nieces, nephews and little cousins instead. I pulled into the shopping center and I felt my phone vibrating, it was a call from an unknown number. I hesitated but answered … Read More Unexpected calls

Insomnia

I should be sleeping but my brain has other plans. I have VNG testing tomorrow to see if the dizzy spells I’ve been having are caused by an inner ear issue. If the test comes back negative, i’ll have to have a CAT scan of my brain. The last time I had one done I felt like I peed myself because of the contrast … Read More Insomnia

Curio Cabinet

My cousin and I went to breakfast a few days ago and we were talking about our connection and interest in the paranormal and other oddities. We have together and separately experienced some seriously creepy ass unexplainable shit and I have always felt like I was haunted and somewhat clairvoyant. Whenever we get into those discussions our grandma Sue usually comes up. The house … Read More Curio Cabinet

Sometimes I’m sorry isn’t closure.

Today was exhausting but good. My sister moved out this morning, I had mixed emotions about it. I enjoy having my family around but I also like/need my alone time. It seemed like my house was always messy and that caused me to be anxious, but I guess it couldn’t be helped with 7 people and 5 animals under one roof. I spent the … Read More Sometimes I’m sorry isn’t closure.

Sleepless 

2:21am… I jerk awake every twenty minutes or so. I’m agitated and anxious. My legs feel like they need to move or they just might walk off without me. What is this??

Urn Necklace 

Tonight when I got home from work, I received a big yellow envelope from my Grandma in Alaska. In it contained some gift cards and two smaller white envelopes with “Papa” and “Craig” written on them, father and son. I knew the contents would be their ashes. I couldn’t bring myself to open them for a few hours because somehow, even though it’s almost … Read More Urn Necklace 

i swallow
i-miss-you-s 
like pills. they put me to sleep.

I ask for more time

Yesterday I cried a lot. It was a combination of antidepressant withdrawal and the phone call from my little sister telling me that my mom had a seizure. I was home alone when I got the call and basically, my chest went off like a hand grenade. I was trying to call my family but I was hyperventilating so all I could do was … Read More I ask for more time

They ate me

His love was ambient, warm holy water. A baptism that cleansed me of my shame, my Daddy’s starless hands, my Mommas undoing. There was Him and then there was god. You see, I was conceived out of wedlock, unwanted until my momma stumbled into an abortion clinic “a child” and walked out “a woman”. I got my first bloody lip at age five, from … Read More They ate me