8th Grade

An old friend of mine Charity, contacted me through IG and sent me this picture of us in Mrs. Sherri Wilbur’s class. I was so happy to hear from her because we lost contact with each other when I moved to Arizona. She was always super sweet and soft spoken and I was a bit shy but also awkwardly funny. We became fast friends.

We started catching up on each others lives and I mentioned that I would like to get in touch with Mrs. Wilbur. She was the first and only teacher that I ever liked or cared for. She really took the time to make sure that I was getting the attention that I needed in class, she was so genuine. I wanted to thank her. I wanted her to know that she really made a difference in an area of my life that was really difficult for me.

I found out, sadly she passed away from cancer earlier this year. It really hurt me to get that news. I cried over it because I had thought about her many times over the years but never reached out and now I would never have the chance to. Charity told me that she attended her funeral and many of her other students were there. I found her obituary online and wrote her a letter, I at least wanted her family to know what she had done for me.

On the right of me is Charity and to the left of me are Marcus (my boyfriend at the time) and Jose.

Romans 13:10

“Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.”

My beautiful friend and Bible study teacher quoted this verse last Wednesday night. The words quietly etched themselves in my mind but clashed like wind chimes with my soul. In my head I thought “okay God I hear you”.

At that moment I knew the Holy Spirit was convicting me, softening the hardness that had begun consuming my heart years ago. I know that in the past I have done harm to others. I feel it is important to say this because as recently as a year ago, I would have applied this scripture only to those who wounded me and not myself. It’s a painful realization but necessary for me to grow spiritually. Humility in all situations is a key component to being a gentle loving human. 

It’s scary the way that the world changes people sometimes. I became such a dark person because I let my pain and anger grow unchecked. I stopped trusting God and started trying to take control of the uncontrollable. My faith became so small. It wasn’t until I began truly seeking who God is again that I started seeing my pain differently. Suffering is meant to purify the soul, we either choose to cling to God or we turn from him. It’s a choice, everything in life good or bad is a choice that we make. 

The world will never satisfy you. You will always hunger and seek and strive for more because you are being fed an empty hope, a temporary happiness. No amount of money or education or beauty or men will ever fill the holes left from the pieces that people took when they didn’t love you the way that they were supposed to. Only God’s grace can drive out that darkness.

He will never stop calling you back to him. He wants you to come home. He wants to love on you. My hope is that someday you’ll listen. 

-Mandy 

Love

Sitting in the quiet of the morning, I’m reflecting on what the word “Love” means to me. I hear the word love being thrown around a lot lately but I don’t see it being used properly. I believe most humans don’t understand love in it’s truest form. For the longest time I didn’t understand it either and I’m not going to pretend that I’ve mastered it. I’m learning. Here is what I’ve learned over the years about Love. Read More

And We Burned

His warmth against my skin in the dark has been calming.

We talked all night about nothing but it was beautiful.
In between our words, we made love like everything was new.

Like last April never happened.
Before the poison set in.

I tried so hard but I could not hide the glowing within my chest.
He caught fire and we burned
together.

We ran from the sunrise and hid in the shadows of the second hand on the clock.

This left me coughing up ashes for days.

This little light of mine

He was such a funny curious little thing when he was born. His big blue eyes always searching my face and smiling when his eyes met mine. I use to sing and read to him when he was in my belly, I wanted him to always be comforted by my voice. His dad would lay his head on my lap and talk to my belly everyday when he got home from work.

“How are you my little glow worm?”
he would say.

Back then things seemed so calm, so simple. We just had us and that was enough.

My sweet boy, you are so precious to us. Not a day goes by that I don’t thank god for you and your amazing ability to shine brightly in the darkest places of my life. I love you to the moon and back.