I see me

I use to fear being alone, especially at night.

In the last week I’ve come to find that I’m very content coming home to an empty house (aside from my animals). My heart still hurts but I’m learning so much about who I am and who I want to become. I finally see the women all of my friends and family see.

I have a routine, I have goals and most importantly I have hope for my future.
My worth will never again be measured by a man.

“No matter how good of a woman you are, you will never be good enough to a man who isn’t ready.”

I’ll never forget

I’ve had such a hard time letting go but I can’t keep replaying this madness in my head.

My heart can’t keep bleeding for

“maybe someday”

It’s time for me to be okay with goodbye.

So… Goodbye

“I think grief is just the period of time it takes for your brain to accept that someone’s gone. Cause everything in your body, your mind, your entire being, just keeps bringing you back to the moment that they’re still alive. Takes a long time for your body to let go of that. It’s the hardest thing of all… to let go of someone you love.”

What I’ve Learned:

1. A man can lose feelings for you over night.
2. A kiss can be just that, a kiss. Completely meaningless.
3. Love can be one sided but I still wonder if that is love at all
4. Never beg for someone to stay or to love you. You shouldn’t have to beg for someone to be a part of your life or to love you. You deserve better than that.
5. Stop breaking your ribs to make space for those who do not belong there.
6. Learning to breathe again is harder than the doctors said it would be.
7. I don’t know what hurts more at night; being alone or being in love.
8. Laying with someone in bed at night is temporary. It won’t get rid of the lonely. You will still wake up and leave in the morning with a heavy heart and no hand to hold.
9. Sometimes the sky rains gasoline instead of water and you have to be strong enough and ignore the urge to set yourself on fire.
10. I will be okay someday. Bad things happen for no reason sometimes and things end but that shouldn’t mean you should come to an end too. The ocean will always have waves; I just have to learn to swim through them for a bit longer.
11. The stretch marks I left on my mother from birth will not be another suicide letter I never finished.

Monsters

It’s not the monster under your bed that you should be scared of,
It’s the ones hiding amongst you.

Darkness cannot…

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light

can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love

can do that.

– Martin Luther King Jr