Skin

This is me being vulnerable and real about the not so glamorous parts of extreme weight loss. I get asked often if I have loose skin and the answer is YES, I do. In my case it’s not as bad as others I’ve seen but it is defiantly uncomfortable. Some of the skin will tighten with time and exercise, but for the areas that won’t I will have plastic surgery. Possibly at the end of this year or the beginning of 2019 I will have a breast lift with implants, lower body lift with a tummy tuck and a thigh lift. I have been restricted to minimal exercise the last eight months due to the healing process and the fact that I don’t eat enough to sustain a rigorous workout routine. I also experience extreme fatigue from PCOS and that shit is no joke.

The areas of my body that bother me the most are; under my chin, my boobs, tummy and inner thighs. I never thought in a million years that I be posting pictures of the parts of my body that I’m not exactly proud of but I look at it as “This is not my end result, it’s only part of the journey” and there are thousands of other women going through the same thing. It’s not for me to be ashamed of because I have worked my ass off to get to where I am to day. I have had tremendous support from my family and friends but have read stories from other women who were shamed and told that surgery is the easy way out. It’s sad and its complete bullshit. Surgery is a tool, you still have to work hard at losing the weight. You are forcing yourself to radically changing your relationship with food and as a person with eating disorders I can’t tell you enough what a mind fuck that can be. Anyway, enough ranting for now, I just hope by sharing my experiences I’m able to help others through their own journey, that is the point of me posting all of this.

you can’t beat yourself up for having too much love to give. you can only feel sorry for those who don’t know what they’re missing out on.

Ain’t no rest for the wicked

Sometimes the answers come from a peaceful place and sometimes they bleed out of the chaos happening around me. Lately I feel the need to stand still but life pulls at me, taking little pieces each day.

Running on empty was starting to take it’s toll but I’m slowly learning how to fill myself up with out relying on others to do it for me. I was there all along scratching to get inside of myself and now that I’m finally in it’s so freeing.

I still have to fight the darkness and I think that I always will, but prayer and the belief that grace truly exists gives me the strength to defeat my enemies, mental and otherwise. I wish no ill will towards others, but do yourself a favor and stay out of my way.

How can you expect others to respect you when all that you do is covered in a layer of sleaziness and hatred.
Be genuine for once. Learn to put others before yourself.

True love requires selflessness and sacrifice.